Well the last two weeks have been something else. My great-uncle passed away on Septemeber 28th, which was one of the hardest things I have gone through with my family. Uncle Mike was an amazing man and is the father of my second cousin (also, my best friend) Taylor. Taylor and I are only 9 months apart in age and we have always been very close. I just wish that I could be with her while she is going through this extremely difficult time, but I live in a different city and have school to deal with..
The week that my uncle passed away I also had 2 exams I needed to study for and 4 papers to write. My professors were all very understanding and allowed me to turn in my papers later and take my exams on a different day, which was great but it has been very stressful trying to accomplish all of it this week, I got it all done though. I made it through this stressful week, and even though I only got 3-4 hours of sleep every night the last two weeks, I still made it through!
Whenever I get really stressed out my self image becomes warped and I think that I will feel better if I can control my body when I am unable to control the other things that are going on in my life. I’m done doing this to myself. I am learning more and more everyday to love who I am and to stop restricting myself. I need to live and be healthy, I deserve to eat what I want and be who I want to be and the only person that gets in the way of that is myself. Everyone deserves to tell themselves that they are intelligent and beautiful and they need to believe it, no one can fully be happy unless they are happy with themselves. I am proud of myself, I work hard and do the best I can do.
Yesterday I woke up with a cold and slept most of the day. I ended up taking off work this morning and went to the doctors office to get medication because I was having a hard time breathing. Normally when I’m sick I become very frustrated because I want to keep going but have to rest instead, this time I’m actually happy that I have to rest. I feel like this is God’s way of telling me to calm down. I’ve taken the time I had yesterday and this morning to reflect on the way I’ve been thinking this week. My thoughts have been so negative because I’ve been sad, stressed and exhausted and I hate thinking negatively. I love to be positive and optimistic so I’m glad that I have been given the opportunity to calm down, to be grateful for the life that I’m living and to realize I need to stop being so hard on myself. No more making myself follow crazy diets when I am stressed. I’m going to continue to learn how to love myself and know that I’m doing the best I can do.